The Census

A running summary of what the field has reported. Numbers are anonymous and observational. The study is satirical; the methodology is not.

5,286
Sightings
5,286
Approved
11
Cities
78
Oxford Index
Statistically Suspicious

Chapter I

The Standings

Ranked by Oxford Index.

  1. 01San Francisco79
  2. 02New York77
  3. 03Los Angeles76
  4. 04Berkeley75
  5. 05Boston75
  6. 06Seattle74
  7. 07London73
  8. 08Vancouver73
  9. 09Chicago71
  10. 10Toronto69

Chapter II

Where they appear

  • Coffee shop4749%
  • Trader Joe's / Whole Foods zone4659%
  • Tech office district4559%
  • Walkable downtown4509%
  • Other4458%
  • Concert / arts venue4418%
  • Museum4368%
  • Brunch spot4338%

Chapter III

When they appear

  • afternoon304858%
  • evening77215%
  • night75714%
  • morning70913%

By day of week

MTWTFSS

Chapter IV

Over the last fortnight

2026-05-122026-05-25
Fin.